I almost forgot that it was IWSG day! Oh geez, what insecurity should I pull out of my giant bag of insecurities? (There are so many to choose from.)Okay, here's a big one.
What if it never happens?
What if I work at this my whole life and never ever get a book published? I would love to say that I love writing, and I'd be doing it either way, so I really don't care. Now, while the first part of that sentence is true, the last part isn't. I do care.
Plus, so many people know. They know I'm trying to do this, which means they'll all know if I fail. (Honestly, if I had never told anyone, then I really don't think I'd care as much if it never happened.)
Okay, so focus on what really matters. I'm a goal type person. (Which is kind of weird. I never actually realized this of myself until my sister pointed it out once.) So I like having a goal to work toward. Right now, publication. That's it. I haven't thought past that at all. (Seriously.) But I know that if I reach that goal another new goal will come up.
And if I don't reach that goal? Well, I have been lucky enough to reach my goals in life that really did matter to me. I have a lovely family, and being a mom was always my number one goal. (No matter how old-fashioned that makes me sound.) I love being a mom, and my kids think I'm pretty good at it, at least so far. :)
So, bottom line, I will continue to work toward my goal of getting published. But if it doesn't happen it's not like I will go to my death bead feeling like a failure. So I guess I'm okay with it after all.
ps. We are getting new carpet in our kids' bedroom, so we have a bunch of chaos and messiness in our house right now. In other words, it may take me awhile to get to everyone's posts, but I will!
Writing is tough and competitive. I think you've actually got the balance - you're working hard towards your goal, but as you say you won't be a failure if it doesn't happen - there are so many other things in life.
ReplyDeleteI struggle with this very thing all the time ... I love writing, but does it really matter if anyone else reads it? I'm slowly coming around to the idea that it does matter.
ReplyDeleteKeep at it--I think if you do, you might be surprised by how many people really want to read your books!
Having been gripped by the one piece of writing you sent to me, I can't see that it's possible for you not to succeed. But published or not, you will never be a failure because you have already achieved many other things!
ReplyDeleteMy long term goal is to be published too. But there will come a point that I will self-publish. That won't be for a long time because I'd need to hire a good editor and that could be expensive.
ReplyDeleteBut I don't look down on self publishing or think it's a failure. Actually I think it would be difficult. I don't want to put a crappy book out there, so I have to work just as hard to clean it up, get a terrific cover and do 100% of the marketing. (And that's why self pub scares me.)
Just gotta believe that one day, it's going to work out.
This is my biggest fear - that it will never happen. Everyone keeps telling me "it's just a matter of time," but of course that's not necessarily true. Not everyone can get published. It's just a leap of faith we take, I guess. But as far as insecurities go, this is definitely a biggie!
ReplyDeleteI feel like I could have written this! I agree with every single word of it. Here's the thing - you're clearly a talented writer. I always enjoy your posts. AND you're clearly a hard worker. Between those two things along, I can't see it not happening for you....not that it's always so clear for us to see ourselves. Great post!
ReplyDeleteYou've totally touched on what all us 'pre-published' authors feel. We all fear 'failure'. Having read your stuff, I know it will happen for you. I'll vouch for it! But even if I hadn't, you're successful just by finishing a book. I've talked to so many people who say they love writing, but they haven't gotten past a few pages. They just don't find the time or whatnot. Keep working toward the next step, but don't forget the steps you've already climbed to get you where you are now :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with the mom thing. That is number one for me too. Nothing can compare to my kid. I felt this way for many, many years and yet it happened for me. There is some quote that goes something like the only difference between a published writer and an unpublished writer is perseverance. Don't give up! Keep writing, keep honing and keep putting yourself out there. It really will happen!
ReplyDeletei think it's too bad that not publishing = failure in the writing world, especially since it's the publishers and distributors who decide what's worth publishing, even if it's garbage.
ReplyDeleteyou wrote. it's amazing in itself to pull together all the elements to make a story. that's more than most people do. with so many options in publishing now, good stories have a better chance of going into the world.
Family first! That's my motto. Writing is second. And for now I'll have to go the self publishing route. It would be great to be picked up by a large publisher though. Good luck to you!
ReplyDeleteHere is my 2 cents...If you want it and work for it, IT WILL HAPPEN!
ReplyDeleteIt's difficult to write exactly what agents are looking for, especially when we want to write what we love.
ReplyDeleteThere are many, many very successful self-published authors, so that is always an option. And, I'm pretty sure that unless you get a great deal for a contract you still need to do the same amount of marketing as a self published author.
I hope everything works out. Keep at it and don't give up!
Well it is good that you put your family first! Keep working hard :)
ReplyDeleteAllison (Geek Banter)
In my dark, dark moments I've had that thought too but I'm starting to realize there is no single made it moment but, at the end of a career, maybe they will all add up to something satisfying.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand this insecurity, sitting comfortably in the throes of it, but it sounds like you have a really healthy view on the situation. I think if you just keep working at it, you'll find a way in. And until then, you can celebrate the things that are important to you, like your family. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteYou are getting published! Foreign Affairs is out in a few days! Eeep! It will only get easier from here ;) At least that's what I keep telling myself :)
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on this one, Rachel. I've pretty much gone all in on my dreams at this point, and it's impossible not to think of the consequences of failure. It's one of my biggest fears.
ReplyDeleteBut when that fear comes around and pokes its head in my face to remind me it's there, I do my best to catch it with and elbow and shrug it off. Publishing is a crazy industry, and there's just no telling whether you'll be successful in the long run or how long it will take to get there. All you can do is tuck your chin and keep working hard at it.
Persist!
J.W.
Some of it is outside of your control. Which means the only way to fail is not to try. So keep at it, Rachel! If I can, ANYBODY can.
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you on wishing I'd never told anyone. Mainly because a lot of non-writing ppl don't understand the entire writing process so they think it should all happen in the blink of an eye and that if it doesn't, then we're not good enough.
ReplyDeleteWell, we ARE good enough and we WILL succeed. It just takes time and patience. *hugs*
Even if you don't get to publish the traditional route (which you may well get that), there is always indie or self-publishing. I would love to be picked up by and agent and one of the Big 6, but I'm keeping my options open. Good luck on getting published! (and good luck with the re-carpeting!!)
ReplyDeleteI almost never tell anyone I'm a writer (outside my blog anyway) because it feels like too much pressure but I like what Alex said... that the only way to fail is not to try.
ReplyDeleteThis is a big one. I feel this way sometimes. I've had to stare this down in other venues of my life as well. I think that what you have to do (other than persist persist persist) is to think about what writing has brought you. Surely it's given you things you didn't think it could. Writing, even without the publishing, has brought me confidence, knowledge and skills. I never intended to pick that up from it, but there it is. My life is better for having writing. I'm sure yours is too. Publishing is just the icing. You already baked the cake.
ReplyDeleteI am sure you will succeed. But absolutely 'life' - our families, loved one, will come first and be the no 1 goal - but am sure the publishing will happen for you too.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for the kind words and encouragement! This is such an amazing group. :)
ReplyDeleteI think all writers have that fear. Even published writers worry they won't write another good book. But we keep going.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I feel the same way you do, Rachel. But I guess only time will tell.
ReplyDeleteIf you've written something, you've succeeded. It doesn't matter if you are published, but that you set out to write a book and you finished it. Not everyone can say that. I decided that as long as I am happy that I write, I'm not a failure. I've achieved my dream. I do feel like a failure at times, but I remember that we're not. We're writers. :)
ReplyDeleteThere is always the self pubbed route until you get published. And we need new carpet too. Kids sure know ho to destroy carpet.
ReplyDeleteI know EXACTLY what you're saying. I have always been a wee bit of an over-achiever and I knew if I failed after I said I was trying to get published to the world, I would be eating crow and my perfectionist attitude would probably choke on it. No one "out there" knows what a tough challenge we've set for ourselves...that's why we have writer friends who say to us, just don't give up. Keep writing. It WILL happen.
ReplyDeleteI have the same fear. I have to really focus on ignoring that voice sometimes otherwise I'd just give up!
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my blog. I am enjoying discovering the IWSG bloggers.
ReplyDeleteI worry about that sometimes, too, but more because I've poured so much time and effort into it. My parents actually bought me a laptop when I started writing!
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, you have a great attitude. Go Go Go!!! :D
IWSG #179 (At least until Alex culls the list again. :P)
I can relate a lot to this insecurity! You're approaching it with the best mindset possible, though, IMO. You have a goal, but you're not letting it overwhelm you to the point where you'll be convinced you're a failure upon the smallest setback. More of us writers need to think this way!
ReplyDeleteI wrote my first novel at the tender age of 48, living in a friend's basement while I adjusted to separation from my (now) ex-wife. The idea, which involved time travel, the Beatles and Elvis, was my brother-in-law's, but after a few meetings it became apparent that he wasn't going to do any writing. It was up to me, which gave me a chance to get autobiographical. Somehow I managed to visit every topic that interests me, and ended up with a pretty compelling, cohesive story. Friends and acquaintances have raved about it. After a few unfruitful months of submitting to agents, I'm starting to get discouraged. Help! I need somebody. I know the work is good, but I think my query comes off as gimmicky. But it's hard to sum up this novel without mentioning Elvis and the Beatles.
ReplyDelete