Seriously, this could not have come at a better time. I need some input! I recently had a light bulb moment. I read someone else's opening on a blog, and loved it. I commented as much. But when reading other people's comments I saw a lot of them said that they were drawn in- until the info dump.
Info dump? I've seen info dumps and this was not one. Except, wait, okay, yeah, maybe it was. And okay, yeah, maybe I didn't realize it because maybe I have something similar at the beginning of my YA. Yeah. Whoops.
So I went to revise, thinking I could probably share that info somewhere else. Spread it out some. I highlighted it and hit delete.
And ya' know what? I didn't miss it. Not one little bit.
So, it's gone now but I would still love some input on my opening. I also have a bit of a prologue, it's just a couple of paragraphs opening the book. Should I cut it? is question number one. What do you think of the rest of it? is question number two.
It's a bit of a long excerpt (about 400 words), so if you don't finish it that's fine. If you could even just comment telling me when you lost interest that would be incredibly helpful. Thank you for any input you have!!
Oh! And I get to tag eight others. :)
Rena at Doctor Faerie Godmother
Suzi at The Literary Engineer
and two others. . .
I tell you what, if you haven't already been tagged and you want to be, then you're it!
Erwin tossed and turned on the rough carpet of the school library, but the reason he couldn’t sleep had nothing to do with the uncomfortable floor. He didn’t need to look around to know that no one was sleeping. There were all just lying there in silence, the fear and tension in the air so thick it reminded Erwin of movie scenes where the ceiling is slowly coming down to crush everyone. The only difference was that in the movies they always escape just in time.
He couldn’t believe only a few hours ago he had been working out in the school gym. He remembered thinking, this day couldn’t possibly get any worse. He laughed at the thought now. He cringed listening to the banging coming from outside as whatever those things were tried to claw and crash their way into the locked school.
Erwin had been on his way to lunch when he first saw them. Justin had Natalie pushed up against her faded orange locker, his tongue down her beautiful throat. Erwin’s own throat had tightened and his stomach churned. So much for lunch.
It had only been a week since Natalie had broken his heart, after dating for ten months. Now she had her fingers wrapped around the fat neck of that dick, Justin.
Erwin tried to push the image out of his mind and focus on the weights he was lifting. He hoped the pain in his arms would block out thoughts of Natalie. Problem was he could hear the cheerleaders finishing up their practice in the empty lunchroom across the hall from the gym doors.
It was 4:15; there were only a few other guys in the weight room. Basketball practice didn’t start for another forty five minutes. Then he’d have to face Justin. With any luck he’d get a chance to elbow him in the face when Coach Spears wasn’t looking.
He was enjoying the thought of Justin’s nose bleeding when he heard someone shout to call 911. Erwin jumped up and ran across the gym, slamming open the doors. At the end of the hall, Rob Grey stood in the school doorway with his seven-year-old sister, Amy. Rob was on the basketball team with Erwin, and lived across the street from the school. He was shaking, and the little girl was white as a ghost.